manifestation and love

let's just get this one thing out of the way shall we? i would consider myself a spiritual being, however i don't practice religion of any kind, and don't believe in any confined way of thinking. my mind is very open to all possibilities of the unknown in life. if i had to choose, i relate most closely to a buddhism. 

some of the overall practices i believe in and follow are... 

1. i don't believe in possession of anything or anyone

2. i believe in detachment

3. i believe in manifestation + the universe

today we're going to talk about all three in how they relate to relationships (not just romantic but... this will be based around a romantic fallout/  breakup). 

almost two years ago i ended a very long relationship, one i was in for over a decade. our relationship had really high highs and really low lows like most but when we realized we weren't good for each other anymore, it got worse and finally things ended. and over these past two years, i've learned A LOT about why things didn't work and what is necessary (in my opinion) for any relationship to thrive. 

now in my case, my ex got into a new relationship quickly and i dwelled on that. even though i ended things, i was still upset + essentially mourning a best friend. i would spend days wondering why i wasn't good enough, what was it about her that made them work. i kept putting out my depressed and negative feelings out into the universe because that's how i felt; that's what i was focusing on. on the outside no one knew because i was still re-building in other ways: i moved, i finally made a career switch where i gave up my dream and pursued my passion, i re-kindled old friendships that i had stopped putting effort into years prior. but secretly i was still upset, and living in the past, overthinking about something i couldn't and knew i didn't want to change or go back to. 

what does this have to do with the above three things?

possession: in any relationship no one should feel they have a say or right over the other. you are an individual being with personal thoughts, needs; you change minute to minute both physically and mentally as you are exposed to different people, environments, situations.

this is the first buddhist ideology that i truly follow and believe in: no one possesses anything or anyone. let people be. we as humans and partners can offer our love, our advice, our experiences to another but they do not have to do as you say. there are always choices in life, they may not be choices you prefer but they exist. once one person or both people begin acting as an authority figure, there's problem one. be present, be a good person, and like i said offer your advice, help the other weigh options, be sympathetic. in any relationships, you have to love the other person enough to let them live on their terms to make their own decisions and mistakes. and know that if they choose a varying path than the one you suggested, its ok & you still need to be there for them. if things go awry do not say 'i told you so,' just be there as their support system. 

detachment: there will be a follow up to this because i get questions about this A LOT. detachment is more about letting someone else be free to be their own person. for me it ties into number one. when you are not attached, you can be happy and content with yourself, with your life and everything and everyone in it is like a bonus. you can love hard and still be de-tached - not in the negative way that we as Americans tend to use this word but in a positive light. when you love a flower, you appreciate it as is grows and sits there beautiful among the others in the grass, living, soaking up sun and water to survive for your viewing pleasure and the needs of insects and our overall ecosystem. that is detachment. when you pick a flower for it's beauty, that is attachment. why would you want to kill such a beautiful, living, growing thing if you love it? in a few days it will die, it will wilt and end up in your garbage; if you had let it be, the flower would still be a beautiful shade of yellow, purple, orange.. whatever color with a stem and roots. hopefully this helps you better understand de-tachment for now. it's the same with people. watch the ones you love grow, let them live freely, watch them develop into incredible human beings without suffocating them, without picking at their petals or plucking them from the ground. you do not need to be attached to something you love. love is detachment. its appreciating without needing. 

manifestation: is not about just praying that you get that promotion or that you meet the man of your dreams this year. manifestation is about the vibes you send out into the universe. let me explain...

above i told you that inspite of working my butt off for my career and surrounding myself with people who love me and who i love, i was still dwelling on my breakup and the loss of friends that i thought were my forever family. i was putting those feelings out there, not by talking to people about it but literally by focusing on the negative. i wanted to be content within myself and eventually date and potentially fall in love but that could never happen in the state of mind i was in then. 

you  know that Roald Dahl quote, 'If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely...' well my negative thoughts were shining through and not attracting/ manifesting the life i knew i wanted. 

it wasn't until i truly looked at what i built, done, and how much happier i was in my current situation that i slowly began to love myself again. without needing someone else to love me or show affection. and then it became a domino affect of positivity. i no longer needed or wanted to hear anything negative or how someone was once in my shoes with a shitty breakup, i wanted to hear about the things my friends, co-workers, strangers were doing. we're they going back to school? doing internships? moving? in a new relationship? i wanted to hear about their life, i wanted to hear about all the good things they were doing and striving for. it made me feel like i was surrounded by good energy, humans who care and love and want to live to the fullest. all this positive energy, it pours out into the universe. you invest in yourself, in others, and in your work and it is all reciprocated.

that is manifestation. soon after, i met my current boyfriend who i will be living with in just two short weeks. it's been a completely different experience with him. i joke sometimes that he is my reward, but the truth is, when i learned to love myself, to love others, to bring others up and focus on the good, that is when i was able to meet someone who has those same qualities.

love yourself, live your life every single day, think about the good even on shit days - find the highlight, put forth energy and like karma it will come back to you. if you continue to dwell, or be sad or miserable then that is what you are manifesting, & that will continue to be your life until you make a change.